When life throws you a curveball, rush the mound, still carrying the bat, because life better think again about bringing that weak shit in here.
“God can do anything!” That makes it even more disturbing that he usually chooses to do nothing.
Has anything good ever happened in a catacomb?
[Googles: “What’s the Velveteen Rabbit up to these days?”] Google: “Four days after becoming real, the once-Velveteen Rabbit was shot by a man with a Chesterfield rifle, skinned, cooked, and served to an Appalachian family for a Tuesday night dinner. RIP. PS - Maybe shoulda looked into what it means to be a “real” bunny.”
I feel like I passed up on too many opportunities to backhand people in my life.
“I apologize for all that. I really do. I’ll do better.” “Okay. Thank you. I appreciate that.” [Few second interlude, then, psyche chimes in.] “You’re going to accept that? Do you know how many ways there are to invalidate that apology? We are just getting started here.”
Brometheus stole cheap beer from the gods, and now he’s chained to a bowling alley for all eternity, getting headbutted by a penguin.
Moo means “fuck” in cow.
It would have been just as painful if every day Sisyphus had to wake up and watch Grease 2 on an endless loop.
God created trillions stars, has kept the universe going for 14 billion years, put uncountable numbers of living organisms on this planet, all so I could choose to sit in this Starbucks, at the one table that doesn’t have a working plug.
I don’t know, if a guy actually changes his name to Punch, maybe Judy had a stronger domestic abuse case then she realized.
I just tried a pumpkin spice latte for the last time.
This movie is making so sad. That it ever got made.
God works in mysterious ways is a good way of saying he has no idea what he’s doing, either.
Remember, it’s National Dumbass Awareness Month. If there’s a dumbass in your life, make them aware of it!
“Only God can save us! So, well, we're fucked.”